I'm going to let Ed take the reins for a while. Things feel like they're going downhill again, so in a sick way I love letting Ed sweep in and rescue me in the meantime. It's nice to let somebody else be in control.
I'm surprised I haven't written more entries this year. The year is ending and so is my endurance. I'm running out of a lot of things right now.
I had a nice time at the Adoration chapel today. It was sunny outside and I felt the warmth through the large windows. I prayed a whole rosary, mostly in Spanish. I still have to learn the Glory Be, Oh My Jesus, and Hail, Holy Queen in Spanish. And I have to learn the mysteries. But it was a peaceful afternoon. When I'm in that chapel, it doesn't matter that my life is not together yet. I'm there with Jesus and no one is there to judge me. I can come with all my crap and just be.
I want it to take me quickly. This time seven years ago, I was already further along than I am now. I'm just being lazy - I know I'm capable of much more. But I suddenly feel like I want to just keep going down, down, down. It's lovely to meet my bones again. He tells me they make me stronger than the rest. Their contours and hardness show a strength only few know. They make me special.
This time, I should document some of it. I need to leave images behind. It still annoys me that I don't have many good ones from last time. This amount of intensity can't go unsaved.
I appreciate layers. I won't let it be like last time. I will not be looking ahead to the summer. I will be just fine.
