I've been wanting to post another entry since my last one, but haven't been sure what topic to write about - even though I always have significant thoughts and moments that I feel I should write down. It bothers me that I feel I need a definite subject to write about at length. Silly me, a blog post can be long or short. It is my blog, after all!
Anywho, I was chatting with a friend online a few minutes ago and he was telling me about an event he will be a part of, and that I should save the date for it. "But I hope I'll see you before then!" he said. I replied, nonchalantly, "Yes, hopefully."
Then my friend said something that really struck me. "Forget hopefully...commit!"
WOW. I mean, wow. He is SO right! And I think this could apply to many things in our lives. We need to be more proactive and less blasé about things in life, especially that which we are most passionate about and/or want to achieve. "Hopefully" should not make a regular occurrence in our thought process. (Okay, maybe I need to start speaking from my own voice and not for everyone else's; I mean to say that I need not use "hopefully" so liberally!) I have always been a hopeful person, always dreaming to the distant, abstract future or other realm of reality (i.e. fantasy), and hoping against hope that things would turn out the way I wanted (or "hoped") they would. But I realize, now that I'm an adult, that there's more to hope and making dreams come true than just hope.
I am a late bloomer. I know this, and I have to be okay with this. Why? Well, because I know that I do indeed bloom. I just don't follow the same life paths or trends as others typically do. And as I was telling another friend of mine earlier today, I have to be compassionate and loving toward myself in all these matters. That's why I'm trying to turn away from just the hoping and more toward a do-ing frame of mind. I am gentle toward myself in knowing that I don't need to compete with the rest of the world and that this journey is mine alone. But this requires a balance; I need both the confidence to make conscious decisions and steps toward my goals, as well as genuine faith and hope that I will achieve these things I dream of.
So I feel like I'm being very vague and general (it's easy for me to ramble on without specifics). Let's get down to the nitty gritty. What do I really want to achieve? What am I so anxious about? What am I hoping for, and what am I acting on? Well, number one: I want to grow up. I am an adult, technically, but I want to be living an adult life. I want to pay my own rent in my own place, and I want to choose where in the country (or world) that place is to be. I want the confidence and independence to be self-sustaining. Right now, I'm not completely there. I have been hoping for so long that I would find myself there, and I've been dreaming of it with exasperating fervor.
I also dream of travel. I dream of cultural and linguistic immersion. I dream of new surroundings, of learning my way around, and of building my community. I know what it's like to hope for all of this (and I certainly hope for much more), but what can I do to do something about this? I can't just keep telling myself and others that someday, hopefully, it will "happen." It never will if I don't MAKE it happen!
I am going to commit, therefore, to making 2013 the Year of Change for me. No, I'm not making a New Year's Resolution. I am making a personal resolution to honor the most genuine desires God has placed in my heart, and take the plunge toward giving them life.
No comments:
Post a Comment