Jailbreak

I was talking to a friend who lives across the country yesterday.  She is probably the oldest friend I have, and we used to call each other best friends, but in recent years we've grown apart in many ways.  It's interesting to notice how a person can become completely unaware of what she's doing to herself when she begins to adopt a certain dysfunctional lifestyle.  It's always when you're in the middle of it yourself, and can no longer be objective, that it's the hardest to make a change.

I have to pray for this friend, and all others like her.  I was caught in a similar rut a few years ago, where I was making poor decisions but either didn't care or didn't notice.  I was kind of doing what I wanted but I was still sort of chasing something, I think.  Or maybe I was trying to run away from certain parts of myself.

When I was chatting with this friend yesterday, we began discussing morality.  In particular, sexual morality came up.  Of course, this is a huge topic and I'm not going to get into all of it, but my friend said something striking that I know has come across my own mind regarding my own personal choices many times.

"When I do [X] or when I'm with [Y], I'm not thinking of it as bad.  It doesn't feel bad at all.  Actually, it feels pretty good."

Okay, so I'm paraphrasing because I'm pretty sure those were not her exact words, but you get the idea.  Shortly after she said this, she had to leave and I did not have a chance to fully flesh out a response.  But there is so much I would have liked to say to her.

I watched the movie God's Not Dead in the theater, and there was a really good line or two that the character Mrs. Banks, an old woman in a nursing home suffering from Alzheimer's (or maybe it was dementia?) says profoundly:

"Sometimes Satan allows a person a life without trouble so that they won't turn to God."

"Sin is like a jail cell except it's nice and comfy and there doesn't seem to be any need to leave.  The door is wide open...until one day, the door slams shut."

Boom.  This is what I wish I could have said to my friend.  It's just so sad to me that she doesn't think she deserves or is worth truly loving, and instead she's just seeking pleasure or company or distraction or who the hell knows what, from a bunch of people who don't truly give a shit about her.  But in reality, as I look from the outside in, all I'm seeing is her wasting her life and not really getting anywhere.  It's disorder.  It's spiritual, emotional, physical, and mental chaos.  She's an intelligent woman with so much to offer, but all I see is pain and suffering.  At this point it may be numbing to her, so she's not actually recognizing it as hurtful, but I know for sure that she's not experiencing anything that is bringing out the best in herself or bringing her true joy.

Regarding the God's Not Dead quotes: If sin is so "nice and comfy," then wouldn't that kind of logic imply that nearly anything positive we do or experience is "sinful"?  How can you tell the difference or make any kind of moral basis for yourself if sin is disguised in something that feels good?  Well, I think the true, core definition of sin is anything that separates us from God.  "Feeling good" can actually be quite dangerous.  If we make all our judgments, belief systems, and decisions based on whether or not something "feels good," then we are setting ourselves up for that jail cell to slam on us at any moment.  You see, feelings, whether physical or emotional, are fickle.  They CHANGE.  They VARY from person to person, moment to moment, environment to environment, circumstance to circumstance.  We need something secure, stable, real, true, dependable, undeniable, and absolute.  (Yes, I realize that people in this century do not like the word "absolute," but in fact it exists in our vocabulary and therefore it has some significance.)  We need GOD.  GOD is our lighthouse.  He is there to GUIDE us.  And that is exactly what each and every one of us needs.  We really are like a planet full of Terrible Twos, just running around making messes and often being completely unaware.  Well the thing is, if we keep God, Christ, in the center of our lives, we're just Twos, not necessarily Terrible.  I mean, we're always going to be sinners, but if we aim for something Higher throughout our lives, we're playing the game of life at a whole different level.

I think we all suffer greatly from pride.  Pride keeps us from seeking out Christ.  It keeps us from thinking we need God at all.  We think we can handle everything, even our mistakes.  We think that there will always be a fork in the road where we can just turn right and fix everything along the way.  We think that jail cell is really just a cozy waiting room with no door.  But in fact, that door does exist (some people call it karma) and our lives are happening right now.  I really don't believe that any of us has any good reason to live our lives without purpose.  I don't care what that purpose is for you, but if it's something pure and good, something that makes your heart full and leads you toward God, instead of away from Him, then you have true liberty.  You are free to soar and live your life fearlessly, because you already know that God is the caretaker of your dreams and your reason to keep going.  If Divine Perfection/Love/Omnipotence holds your heart with all its human doubt and worry (along with that of every other human being in existence), then He certainly can take you out of that jail cell.  Don't settle for comfort and familiarity.  Chances are, there is SO much more waiting out there for you.

If you don't have the means or the circumstances to go halfway across the globe and feed all the starving children, then do something else.  Find your passion, your purpose, your reason, your unique lovability, and infuse it wherever and whenever you can.  Smile at the old lady in the grocery store and help her reach something on the shelf.  Ask the cashier how he or she is and look that person in the eyes as you say it.  Take any and all small steps toward greatness.  Greatness is not measured by size; it's authenticity.  

Start living your life from inside the heart outward.  Get OUT of your head.  Get OUT of other people's drama.  Use your body as if it were made of gold and studded with diamonds.  You won't get another.  You are a spirit occupying this body.  Think CLEAN thoughts - whatever makes your spirit glide on Cloud 9 needs to become your fuel.  For me it's the feeling when I sing; when I listen to music in Spanish; when I dance; when I travel somewhere completely new; when I have good, heartwarming, wholesome conversations; the expansion I feel when I'm exposed to a new experience or idea; when I look at beautiful art and admire what people can do.  Discard what isn't taking you forward to a new, wondrous, and magical place where you will find serenity.  Always, always, always search for beauty.  The more you CHOOSE to see things as beautiful, the more they will become so and the lighter your heart will be.

I could go on forever.  And I will - in the way I live my life. That is what we all must do.  You know, in a way, being a human on this planet, being born and placed here, it can really feel like a punishment sometimes...a suffering we must endure, since life really is difficult for most of us.  The imperfection of life demands a struggle at least once, if not many times, throughout the human experience.  BUT, there is Hope.  Hope is begging us, each and every day, to break free of that jail cell, to relinquish our pride, and just get up and walk.  The door is already open!!  What are you waiting for?!